What Will I Do?
by majinbuttercup
Summary: Just a little piece from Betty's POV. Post Episode 2:04, Pre Episode 2:05. BettyHenry mentions Bettyother men in her life and CharlieHenry.


_Title: What Will I Do?_

_Author: Majinbuttercup_

_Timeline: Post season 2 episode 4, pre episode 5_

_Notes: Betty's POV, Poem about her life, I think it's in character._

_Comments and Critiques appreciated!_

_Rating: K+_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ugly Betty, and am making no money off of this._

What Will I Do?

Sweater Vests like Hypercolor of Old

Orange for Happy

Grey for Sad

A Face so transparent if we ever played poker I'd win

Beautiful brown eyes

The way you straighten your glasses

Your razor sharp part

Your secret identity

Accountant Man

Nymphalis Milberti:

Even if that's not quite what they're called

Animagic

Chivalry

You never saw me as Ugly

Cheesy facts

You're not afraid to be yourself

These are just a few of the reasons I love you

I don't even know how to describe how you make me feel

You make my palms sweat

My heart races if I just hear your voice

You know me better than I know myself

Too bad you're not mine

A son or daughter

On the horizon for you

A beautiful slut for a mother

With a history I'll never have

Who loves you?

Does she love you?

How can I keep you?

How can I even ask you to be with me?

How can I hurt that unborn child?

Three and a half inches long

Just something I know

I'll just have to resign myself

To the life I'll never have

How could I?

Hallmark doesn't make a card for something like this

Should I send myself some Pink Gerber Daisies?

Actually,

I don't think I'll ever be able to look at them again

I need to pick a new favorite flower

Are there any that are naturally black?

Good for mourning the loss of a loved one?

I know you'll know

Just one of the many examples of "Just something I know"

How will I get by without you?

With no chance of us ever again?

Will you go back to her?

How will I survive?

I don't want to get hurt again

I just have to give up on you

I will not hurt your child

My feelings are not as important

As yours

As your child

You grew up without a father

I would never ask you to do that to your child

I'm sure you'll be a wonderful father

No, you already are

One of the best

How can you not be?

As wonderful as you are

As excited as the baby made you

Before you knew about her indiscretions

The only person who can make you light up

The way I can

I have to give you up

I hate to do it

But I will not stand in the way of a father

With his child

I am not a monster

I will not fight for you

How could I?

Does this mean this is good–bye?

What should I do?

I thought burying everything you ever gave me,

Even stuff as minor as paper clips

Would make it easier

It almost did

Until I saw you again

Still as beautiful as ever

Lighting up at the wonder of a new life

A life that is not mine

A life we are not having together

A life that you share with her

What will you do?

Will you go back to her?

I almost want to ask you to

I don't know how I can handle seeing you every day

Knowing about the life growing inside of her

And what could have been

Could I do that?

Could I really handle not having you in my life?

Could I handle not meeting your child?

Not seeing you meet it for the first time?

Could I handle turning my expense report in to anyone else?

Could I handle not seeing you occasionally on the elevator?

Having you not there to turn to when something bad happens?

Is it fair to you?

Is it fair to me?

What should I do?

I don't want to watch you with her

I guess I know how you felt now, don't I?

I wasted all that time trying to save a dying relationship

Is this my fault?

I don't want to be hurt again

But I don't want to hurt you either

The sad thing is, I can't hate her

I wish I could

I can't hate you either

I almost wish I could

It would make this so much easier

What should I do?

Should I ask you to leave?

Should I forget I ever met you?

Can I do that?

I don't think I can

But I don't want to be hurt again

Does the universe hate me that much?

Am I that terrible of a person?

Is this some sort of karmic punishment?

For what I did to them

I devastated two men in my pursuit of you

Maybe I am a monster

That's what she'd say

Is she right?

I couldn't even tell you about the other man

That almost became another man

But I don't know where he is

I don't love him though

I love you

He was just there to give me a good swift kick in the ass

There, I said it

I'm just making excuses

Feeling sorry for myself

I don't deserve that

I am not a monster

This is not my fault

It's nobody's fault

It just is

What will I do?

I don't know

I love you

More than I have anyone other than my family

You know me so well

What will I do?

I don't know

But I will not be hurt again

So will I let you go?

I don't know yet

But, whatever I decide

I wish you all the happiness in the world

With your child

If I give you up

Please let me meet him or her

At least once

Then I'll know it was worth it

If I decide to fight for you

Please don't think I'm trying to destroy your life

Or the life of your child

That is not who I am

That is not what I want to do

That is not who I want to be

All I know is that I will not be hurt again

Your kiss was the most wonderful I ever had

Even if it was a good-bye

Should I leave it at that one kiss?

Never feel your lips again

I don't know

I love you

But, please don't hurt me again

Accountant Man

-----------------------------------------------

As I finish reading, a few tears fall down, smudging the last few lines of my poem, and I look up at the room. Most of the others in the class look and apathetic and glad I am finished. I smile through my tears at the boy in the front row, with greasy hair and a hooded sweatshirt. He looks sympathetic and pats the chair next to him. With a slight smile, I go to my seat and grab my bag, and return to sit next to him.

"Well, Ms. Suarez, while this had more emotion than your story about being alone at your 'Anti-Prom' I must say I think you can do better. Perhaps a few less cryptic one-liners and your audience may be able to follow along a little better. Now, who's next?"

A girl a few rows behind me raised her hand and gathered her things to go to the podium. "Don't listen to him. He's an idiot. I liked it." I smile and nod in thanks and turn in my seat to listen to the next speaker.

---------Owari------


End file.
